So many friends asking me out to countdown for new 2010 year... But i rejected all of them... I didn't mean that they are not my best friends BUT all i want for my new year eve is both of my most important friends, Xin Yi & Yvonne... Nevertheless, they are not thinking of the same way with me... right? Xin Yi has her own friends to celebrate with & Yvonne has her own spouse... I free out my night for them as i think they will ask me out on new year eve night sincerely, not like others who only want to have fun and asking me out as their 'responsibility' (obviously)... Unfortunately, I am WRONG... They do not need me at all.. I am not angry with them but i am truly disappointed... really really disappointed... So, i decided to stay alone at home tonight... Funny huh? Everyone is so excited for the new year party, Travilion will also be fulled of people as how I evidenced myself for the previous years... Now i am alone because of them.. haha... I don't care anymore.. as 2009 & 2010 are the same for me.. It's all about the changing of a new calender... Nothing else... Life goes on as usual... and it doesn't matter for me.. All that I realised the day before 2010 year is... I will NEVER trust any friend... Many people thought that I am surrounded by friends all the time... The thruth is NOT... Why things always happen on the opposite way as how people see them? hmm...
5:27 AM
It had been AGES that i didn't log in my blog... i forgot my password and i have to reset it just now.. >< too many things happening recently... & as usual for Swinburnians, we have to deal with a lot of assignments and exams.... so, i can only update it now...
After Yvonne case, my mood has turned down & lots of things are happening continuously on me and my best friend, Xin Yi.. In settling the misunderstandings between me & Yvonne, we have cried so hardly on that night.. Everyone thought that we have settled the whole thing and as long as Yvonne will have her happy vacation, everything will be alright... So i just followed what they wanted me to say & let it 'settle' on the surface... I didn't sleep well that night cause i was telling lies the whole night, honestly... I know nobody really cares about what i feel, so i just followed their wills to do what i dislike to do... This is just the small case if compared to what happened to Xin Yi & me these few days after Yvonne went to Korea...
Just the day after that night, i knocked a car accidentally... I was moody or sleepy while i was driving.. i cant really remember anymore cause i think i'm getting blurer & blurer each day... everything just get messed up.. i dont know what to do, how to do, what is happening....??? i have so many question marks in my head...
Obstacles just keep on happening to me... Just after my parents helped me to pay that guy who i knocked the car belongings to him, both of my brothers fight... i shouted at them to make them stop until i have no more voice, they just wouldn't listen to me at all! i still remember that las time when my parents went to shopping, they fight until i can see all the bloods around my house... i was crying alone mopping all the bloods... when i was small, my daddy also always beat us up... i dont understand, why my family members never talk well but they only can use physical attack to settle everything? I called my friend hoping him can come and fetch me but when his car was near my house, my mum ordered me to drive myself as she already felt so embarrased to be in this kind of family.. she said she doesn't want other people to know about this anymore... but i just knocked on a car the night before, I really need a lot of courage to drive again.. I didnt thought secondly and just grab the car key and tell my mum that i dont want to be in this family... i will leave as soon as i know how to earn money sufficient for the living of myself.. cause they never changed! i always hoping that they will change as time passes.. but why everything is still the same when i was small until now? by then i thought of all is my father's fault.. if not because of him, we wouldnt be suffering like this... if not because of him, i wouldnt dont dare to even think back my past memories... if not because of him, my mum wouldnt be thinking of divorcing & leave us last time... but.... dont now why... i feel so hurt when he shouted at the middle of the night, walk here walk there thinking of his works just to maintain our lives... i am very worry that he will get depressed because of this... i'm having nightmares that this family will broke some day... i do not want this to be happening on me! this is the nightmares that i am most scared with...
At the same day, i received a message from Xin Yi... Her shop was burned out... i was really really really worry about her and i dun even have time to think about my family problems... after i kept on persuading her, she finally agreed to go out with me n lesley... we were glad that she is willing to share her problems with us... she never dropped a tear for that case... she is the toughest girl i have ever met... i was so depressed to see her like that... i dont know how to help her but i can only talk about those craps which i dont even think can comfort her... i hate it when i see my friend suffering without anything that i can helped with... what should i do now... why so many things happening at once? God, do not forget that we are just 18 years old... how can we able to face with all those difficulties? especially Xin Yi, i do not want her to leave me by quiting Swinburne... she is my best friend ever! i really hope that everything will be okay after i wake up tomorrow.. okay...? haiz...
2:29 AM
Today, i have another group presentation with mia and tan wee once again... all that i can say is the presentation was the funniest presentation we ever present to other people... i was the first who went up to the front and when teacher asked me where my group members were, i pretended to be blur blur like that... after i prepared all the materials that we needed to use and also the slides, i play 'who let the dogs out' song loudly... Then, mia and tan wee started to catwalk to the front by hugging a dog soft toy... everyone was laughing hard at that time... along the presentation, we also make some actions and jokes to make our classmates laugh so that they would not be feeling bored during the long presentation.. however, parts of them were not paying attention during my presentation parts and i was quite upset.. so, i just briefly read through everything at the back parts.. i believe that no one will present well when there is nobody who listen to his or her speech including me... overall, it was a fun presentation though.. there are some pictures of me and my group members... enjoy... =)
1:18 AM
Think my blog is going to grow spider web soon.. I'm trying to keep it updated but i just can't spend my time for blogging as there were lots of assignments & exams for the past few busy weeks... Today, I promise myself that I MUST update it no matter how.. i miss it too much.. Let me just summarise my feeling & things that were happening for these few days..
I don't know why that i'm started to think about my friend & my aunty just now... I just can't control my mind... maybe i was too boring...? I dreamt of them yesterday night.. weird right? So i thought... a person who leaves this world might not be forgotten after some while like the ending of a movie always does.. Instead, we will miss him or her even more as time passes... However, dream should be separated from the reality & i know bout that... Life just keep going on no matter how...
Today i received a message from Mia... she realised that her laptop has been stolen when she wake up after she was taking an afternoon nap upstairs of her house.. her house has been broke into by a burglary... she sounds sad but i don't know how to comfort her... all that i can say to her is that she is considered as the lucky one as she was not hurted by the DAMN burglary... she just passed her 18th birthday & this is happening to her now..
Today is Sunday right? i didn't even notice about it as everyday is the same day for me... weekends & weekdays make no difference to me... my family members wouldn't spend their time with me on any days.. for them, this world is about work & money... my heart felt pain when i saw all my friends' status stating that 'I have a great time with my family today!', 'Sunday is such a nice day for family', 'I will go out with my mum later'... bla bla bla.. all those are hurting words for me...
Anyways, i should also share some joyful moments of mine to you guys.. below are some pictures of Mia's 18th birthday celebration on last Friday night... we were having steamboat together at BDC... it was a fun night though...
6:05 AM
As everyone knows, i'm a SPONGEBOB fans... haha... After i saw the KFC advertisement that they will give out spongebob toys, the first thing that i promise myself is that i want to go there on the next day! And.. i did it... i even bring home one of them... 3 more to go! hehe...
I still remember that it was very embarrasing when we went to get it... Me, Prudence n Yvonne waited outside until the shop opened... when the employees opened the door for us, we rush into it and Prudence pointed her finger at me and said" she wants spongebob" loudly... OMG... all of them were looking at me! haha... i chose the 'Crazy Eyes'... i enjoy looking at it's eyes spinning crazily...
Below are some insane pictures edited by my brother (you guys should try it too! =)):
6:44 AM
It’s been a few days I didn’t create a new post.. As you all can see from the title… I am involving in some homework and assignment’s stress! Yesterday was the worst day I’ve ever had after Sem 2 starts… I was having my accounting class n I swear that I was paying FULL ATTENTION to the lesson… However, the stupid damn short chair was irritating me! I can’t even see what is in front of me… When I was started to complain about my chair to Yvonne, accounting teacher said to me “Devy, are you OK?? You are talking a lot since yesterday!” wtf?! I swear that I was paying full attention during the lesson and I don’t know why she says so… I was in blur at that moment.. My friend borrowed the sample answer from her after that to check whether her answers for the exercises are correct or not... After my friend finish her correcting, I borrow from her to check on mine also… Then she suddenly come and grab the answer sheet and said “don’t copy the answer before u do, you should have check your answer after you have done it..” I was really angry.. What’s wrong with her? I was trying my very best to make sure that I can do well for this subject… I admit that I am very very interested in account and the reason why I study at Swinburne is to follow up the accounting course for my degree, CPA… Is anything wrong with me? Haiz… I think I really need to ‘debate’ with her if she do that to me again… I’m not trying to go against her, I just want everything to be CLEAR between us… I’m not blaming on her, I just want to know what mistakes have I done! Me, Mia n Twee continue to work on our marketing project proposal after class… We all feel so stress as the due date is on the other day… At the moments I feel really really ‘pek chek’, I know that I say out something bad with my angry tone to some of my friends… I didn’t meant to say all those stupid things but I just can’t help it at that time! All the irritating things just go on and on and on that day! I want to apologize to all of them for letting off my anger on them.. SORRY guys!! =( I felt a bit better after we’ve done our proposal… I felt relieved! Below are some crazy pictures of my group members and me to release out stress… Enjoy.. haha
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6:44 AM
The production of your video has finally comes to an end... It has been a hard work throughout it... Firstly, this is the first video i've ever made... I need my friends to teach me how to do it... Secondly, I can't find your photos elsewhere! I only have eight of your photos at the beginning as i collected them one by one... From Jo's profile, Clement's profile... I asked everyone on my facebook's friends list and also from my msn list but none of them have your photos! What should I do? I can't just simply produce a video of you with only eight photos... I finally gave up that night and i was off to bed... Amazingly, you came into my dream and tell me that Ying, one of your friend and also my friend have added you on friendster before, I can get your photos from her... So i tried, I really tried to ask her on the other day... She really have it! Then , i can save about thirty photos of yours... I knew that you are always be on our side... Jo also dreamt of you, isn't it? We can't see you, we can't hear you but we definitely can feel you...
You leave us at 23rd of August... But i can only post up your video for everyone tonight... Why do i need so many days just to produce a video? Is it because that i have too many homeworks to work on? Or is it because i can't find your photos? I also not sure about that... All that i am sure about is that I must finish the video tonight before 12a.m. as tomorow is Chinese Ghost Festival... You will sure come back and meet us... but the video's size is too big oredi! tik tok tik tiok! almost twelve now! what should i do? bless me Kevin! i want it to be uploaded fully before twelve! I WANT YOU TO SEE this video! i hope you can see it... 'ru guo wo bian cheng hui yi' by Tank (ur fav song)... =)
11:17 PM
Today is the first day i started to become a blogger... I'm not feeling ok these few days so i figured out how can i express my feeling as I don't usually say out my true feeling to anyone... I thought blogging would be the best way to do so... My friend just passed away last Sunday... I can't sleep well for almost the whole week already... His images fill up my mind whenever i close my eyes... I still remember that there was a misunderstanding between me and you... I thought you were an irresponsible person as you didn't tell us what outfit should we wear while we have a dance performance on the next day but actually i misunderstanded you! I even say something bad to you... I want to apoplogize to you at that time but my ego have prevented me to do so... i don't even have the chance to say sorry to you... Now i want to tell YOU and the whole world that YOU ARE THE BEST DANCER EVER in our heart~! And.... I'm really really sorry for the misunderstanding... I went to your funeral that day... I can't believe that the one who sleep at there without moving is YOU! I prefer you to play and dance in front of us and making all of us laughing at your action.. I don't want you to sleep forever at there... Nobody wants you to be like that! I still cannot believe that you leave us without telling us anything... I guess God loves you more than we love you huh? Then, promise us you will be much more happier beside Him as i know that no matter how much tears i cry for you, you will never wake up and play with us anymore... I can only put the picture above in here as I don't want anyone who see ur photo will feel sad....
I cut my hand accidentally just now... I don't feel any pain... I'm not afraid of the blood... I don't look for a plaster immediatly... Like I always do... How can this little blood and this little pain be compared to your's when you were involve in the car accident? Blood will be NOTHING to me from today on.... I will not be scared of blood anymore...
Today is also the first day i become my parent's driver after i get my license... When my mom says she wants me to be her driver today, I feel very happy though i didn't reply her anything... My parents are always very busy with their work all the time.. almost 24 hours from Sunday to Monday... When she says she wants me to be her driver, i can know that how important am I in her heart that she is willing to spend her time and go out with me by putting her works beside... I always say that I love my grandma more than i love her because she cares about her works more than me and my grandma always beside me when i sick and when i feel down... She cried when i say that to her... Sorry mum, i know that you always care about me... i know you work so hard just to provide me the best environment to study and become a successful person in the future... i will never blame on you from today on instead i will be with you whenever you need me... Daddy, i promise myself that i wil forgive you fully... i know you ever done a big mistake and mum nearly leave you and this family but i'm going to forgive you now... just now you hand me a plaster without saying anything to me... i know you care about me, it's just that you don't know how to say out your love towards me... Now, mummy already forgive you and i will forgive you too... I want to be your driver forever, mum and dad...
Guess im too 'lo so' huh? all i want to say is "when ur parents, ur friends, ur love ones or anyone around u ask u to drive carefully before u drive, they really mean it... dun think that they r talking craps or think that they say that to u just becoz that is their routine responsibility... enjoy... of hearing it everyday while u have the chance to do so!" =)
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