I'm having the longest holiday ever from Swinburne. Besides working and went to a truly fun KL trip with my crazy friends, I'm nothing but a pui zha bo who always staying in front of my computer screen and logging on facebook. Until today, I realized about something important from watching a video shared through facebook and this talk of the video had actually made me cried. Here's a short summary of it: 很多时候, 事情并不是理所当然的... 没有爸爸的辛苦, 就没有家里的幸福; 没有妈妈的辛苦, 就没有家里的温暖。 你有多久没有正面的看过你的爸爸妈妈了 ? 珍惜眼前人... 尤其是亲人... How true is that! But how come I never realized that? I always living in my own world and I care less about everything. It's good in a way that I actually ignored most of the disappointment happening around me but why that I never asked myself... How frustrated that people get from me when I disregarded their feelings? All that I am thinking of lately is I wana leave Kuching! I hate my family cause I can hardly see my daddy around the house, I hate my mum cause she only cares about money and there's nobody in the house for me to talk with at the time I need them the most. When I call, it's either user busy or something else going on... I hate my friends, cause I always have to wait for them and accepting their anger instead of their apologies when I rushing them to come faster. Just to clarify, I really cannot accept people to be late for any outing cause I ever left by my mum forgetting to fetch me many times and I cried without able to do anything. She said: "you wait me here okay? mummy is going to fetch you at this time" but she always forget about it and left me alone. I'm scared of waiting! I'm scared that you guys wouldn't be appearing.. You guys will forget about me T.T
BUT... In fact, how many times did I answered my parents or friends' phone calls when they need me the most? I also have ignored their calls for some reasons. What can I expect from them? After watching the video, I was like 'waking' up from a bad dream and I realized that life is to short for us to blame this, blame that. I admit that I really don't want to go to Aussie so early, I'm going to miss my family and friends here. But well, since I've already decided, I guess I just have to move on with my plan. Before today, I always thinking of leaving cause I am really dissatisfied with all the things going on here.. Best friends making judgment of me without making clear of the real situations and some family problems.. So i presume that you guys might have to watch this video as well to get some ideas from it.. and here's the link: http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=378800632887&ref=mf I LOVE you guys =) ok, feel like vomiting aster saying this.. haha... a quote from myself: 我不应该责问，为什么爸爸总是不回家？至少我还有眼睛去观查他。我不应该责问，为什么妈妈打包的菜不吃？至少我还有味觉去品尝它。我不应该责问，为什么家里总是吵吵闹闹？至少我还听得见。我应该责问自己的是。。。生活那么完美，为什么我还在埋怨？ 
As everyone knows, i shaved my hair for the sake of getting donation for the SCCS (Sarawak Children Cancer Society) and ridiculously, i haven't update this to my blog until now, which is.. 2 months after being a botak girl! However, i'm never gonna forget the day i went bald - 16th May 2010 (Teacher's Day) and the next day was an accounting test. It's a day which is way more important than my wedding day.. Cause, you know... Divorce is so common in this 21st century and people like me might kahwin at least twice.. Since i'm so popular (Joking). Get back to the point. My facebook wall was flooded that day and people recognized me when i'm hanging out with my friends cause i'm bald though i did wear beany or wig. As long as you're not treating me like a monster as most of the people did, you are free to see my hair. The most question that I get is why would you want to do that? It's being treated a crazy action being done by a girl who cares so much about how she looks. Well, I have no idea. I just know that I almost cried when I looked at the children who are having cancer and they have to be facing the fear of getting hair lost. Just imagine that you actually realized that your hair is getting less and less when you're looking at the mirror ever morning when you wake up. I guess it's a horrifying experience and so, I decided to go bald and just wanted to send a message to those children that getting bald is nothing to be scared of cause i'm doing it with you guys.
So that's the first reason and the second reason was my private reason. My aunt, who is pretty much playing the role of my second mother was having a terrified experience of getting cancer. I am really really regret that I didn't care about her really much when she's getting this disease, I didn't call her up regularly to ask about her condition and I only appeared once at the hospital - few days ago before her death cause i'm scared! I really don't know what to say when she's crying besides me. I'm scared of see-ing her hair lost, i'm scared of see-ing her waking up from bad dreams and all those suffering that I'm never gonna understand. I just feel that i'm useless for there to accompany her. I wanted to visit her for the second time but then i didn't... Cause I need to do my revision for SPM and she passed away that day. That's a HUGE regret in my life and I don't wish to see more people who need to leave this world unwillingly. So i've decided to shave my hair and try to get some donations for those children cause they might be having some financial obstacles and stuffs for their medical fees. My mum said that my aunt don't dare to sleep that night cause she's having a bad dream that she's going to leave all of us and she was holding her hand really tight and said she hasn't ready for all these. Where am I that time? Reading my fucking books? I didn't even went for her funeral. I hope that she knows that i'm doing this not just because of helping the children and create awareness among the public, i'm doing this for HER too and this is all I can do to at least cover some of my guiltiness. Let's move on to the next reason, I wanted to get popular obviously so that I can know a lot of leng zhai who I haven't discovered yet. Just kidding, I wonder why I always wanted to joke while thinking of something sad. Siao cha bo maybe...
And for the rest, just let the pictures talk =)
