Happy NEW year? or SAD new year?? how 2010 will be for my life?

So many friends asking me out to countdown for new 2010 year... But i rejected all of them... I didn't mean that they are not my best friends BUT all i want for my new year eve is both of my most important friends, Xin Yi & Yvonne... Nevertheless, they are not thinking of the same way with me... right? Xin Yi has her own friends to celebrate with & Yvonne has her own spouse... I free out my night for them as i think they will ask me out on new year eve night sincerely, not like others who only want to have fun and asking me out as their 'responsibility' (obviously)... Unfortunately, I am WRONG... They do not need me at all.. I am not angry with them but i am truly disappointed... really really disappointed... So, i decided to stay alone at home tonight... Funny huh? Everyone is so excited for the new year party, Travilion will also be fulled of people as how I evidenced myself for the previous years... Now i am alone because of them.. haha... I don't care anymore.. as 2009 & 2010 are the same for me.. It's all about the changing of a new calender... Nothing else... Life goes on as usual... and it doesn't matter for me.. All that I realised the day before 2010 year is... I will NEVER trust any friend... Many people thought that I am surrounded by friends all the time... The thruth is NOT... Why things always happen on the opposite way as how people see them? hmm...

too many OBSTACLES!!! Pls go away from me! ><

It had been AGES that i didn't log in my blog... i forgot my password and i have to reset it just now.. >< too many things happening recently... & as usual for Swinburnians, we have to deal with a lot of assignments and exams.... so, i can only update it now...

After Yvonne case, my mood has turned down & lots of things are happening continuously on me and my best friend, Xin Yi.. In settling the misunderstandings between me & Yvonne, we have cried so hardly on that night.. Everyone thought that we have settled the whole thing and as long as Yvonne will have her happy vacation, everything will be alright... So i just followed what they wanted me to say & let it 'settle' on the surface... I didn't sleep well that night cause i was telling lies the whole night, honestly... I know nobody really cares about what i feel, so i just followed their wills to do what i dislike to do... This is just the small case if compared to what happened to Xin Yi & me these few days after Yvonne went to Korea...

Just the day after that night, i knocked a car accidentally... I was moody or sleepy while i was driving.. i cant really remember anymore cause i think i'm getting blurer & blurer each day... everything just get messed up.. i dont know what to do, how to do, what is happening....??? i have so many question marks in my head...

Obstacles just keep on happening to me... Just after my parents helped me to pay that guy who i knocked the car belongings to him, both of my brothers fight... i shouted at them to make them stop until i have no more voice, they just wouldn't listen to me at all! i still remember that las time when my parents went to shopping, they fight until i can see all the bloods around my house... i was crying alone mopping all the bloods... when i was small, my daddy also always beat us up... i dont understand, why my family members never talk well but they only can use physical attack to settle everything? I called my friend hoping him can come and fetch me but when his car was near my house, my mum ordered me to drive myself as she already felt so embarrased to be in this kind of family.. she said she doesn't want other people to know about this anymore... but i just knocked on a car the night before, I really need a lot of courage to drive again.. I didnt thought secondly and just grab the car key and tell my mum that i dont want to be in this family... i will leave as soon as i know how to earn money sufficient for the living of myself.. cause they never changed! i always hoping that they will change as time passes.. but why everything is still the same when i was small until now? by then i thought of all is my father's fault.. if not because of him, we wouldnt be suffering like this... if not because of him, i wouldnt dont dare to even think back my past memories... if not because of him, my mum wouldnt be thinking of divorcing & leave us last time... but.... dont now why... i feel so hurt when he shouted at the middle of the night, walk here walk there thinking of his works just to maintain our lives... i am very worry that he will get depressed because of this... i'm having nightmares that this family will broke some day... i do not want this to be happening on me! this is the nightmares that i am most scared with...

At the same day, i received a message from Xin Yi... Her shop was burned out... i was really really really worry about her and i dun even have time to think about my family problems... after i kept on persuading her, she finally agreed to go out with me n lesley... we were glad that she is willing to share her problems with us... she never dropped a tear for that case... she is the toughest girl i have ever met... i was so depressed to see her like that... i dont know how to help her but i can only talk about those craps which i dont even think can comfort her... i hate it when i see my friend suffering without anything that i can helped with... what should i do now... why so many things happening at once? God, do not forget that we are just 18 years old... how can we able to face with all those difficulties? especially Xin Yi, i do not want her to leave me by quiting Swinburne... she is my best friend ever! i really hope that everything will be okay after i wake up tomorrow.. okay...? haiz...