everyone in my life is fake

When you're encompassing with some problems.. You will automatically know which of your friends or family members are fake.. "Fake" means they are like.. Never existed in your life before but you thought they were! I can't wait for next year to come.. Where I can start my own new life and leaving all those fucking problems here.. What for that I’m still staying in Kuching? It makes no difference at all whether that I’m staying here or Melbourne.. Cause my leaving wouldn’t cause any unhappiness to anyone here.. And I’m sure about that..


I still can joke whenever that I was sad in the previous moments.. Even when my friend and aunty left this world.. But currently.. It’s outside of my capabilities to do so… my face expressions are numb.. I’m not getting angry easily nor getting happy easily.. All that they know is that I’ve get rid of my bad temper but they don’t even care whether I’m sad or happy… As long as they have their own new friends and spouses.. I am nothing but a stranger..


Do you know the feelings of crying but no tears coming out? It’s called numb! All the pressures that my mum gives me is already sufficient for me to commit suicide.. now.. friends problems again.. You say you are happy because I’m leaving on June next year instead of February… I was happy for your words indeed.. Now that I know.. everything is fake.. They never exist right?


I decided to talk alone here like a moron cause I don’t have any mood to do anything.. Law test is on next week and I’m still doing nothing today.. Gonna force myself to study really hard.. Now that I realized.. The best friends of mine are only BOOKS.. nothing more.. That’s what my mum wants me to do.. No good results cannot be her daughter right? I hate asking questions where I wouldn’t get any answers from it.. But what can I do other than this? There isn’t any ears for me anymore.. 2011.. come faster!


Now my condition is like this:


And.. I need this:


Well.. Jokes are desperately needed though you're sad.. haha